I haven't been here for a while

Well, I had my surgery with no complications except that since I've gone back to work, I've been depressed and a little nauseous. The depression is from having off work for 4 whole weeks, then coming back to work where there has been a change in our directors. Our new boss isn't bad, but as with all new bosses, she is making a lot of changes. And of course I've got to hear the complaint department. That is, hearing all my co-workers complain about the changes.

I'm also feeling depressed over the loss of food. That I can't eat like I used to. It is horrible when I forget and take a big drink of my water. Often I forget when I'm eating too and the first bite ends up being too big and not chewed enough, so then it sticks and hurts and is so uncomfortable.

It is weird too. Because now I know where my stomach is and I don't feel the hunger in my stomach but in my guts. I have alway felt it there too. Weird, I always thought that it was my stomach!

I'm also running out of food that I'm able to eat. I find something that sounds good, tastes good and goes down good, but then after eating it once or twice, I can't eat it anymore. The thought or smell of it makes me sick. I feel a little nauseous all the time. The only thing that I've been able to eat and keep eating are sugar free popsicles and decaf coffee. Yogurt comes and goes for me. There are days I can't eat it and then the next day it is okay to eat. So far I can't eat, ground beef, tuna, chicken, cream cheese, peanut butter, beans and almond milk.The thought of eating these thing make me feel sick to my stomach.

 Many processed foods have way too much salt in them too. I got a cup of split pea soup one day last week at a local restaurant I had looked it up on the internet and it has the highest amount of Protein grams of all of their soups. But it was so salty, I couldn't eat it.

I have been eating a lot of salads with cheese on it and a boiled egg, but I think today was my limit on that.I almost couldn't finish it today, so I don't know what I'll eat tomorrow.

Well, that is where I'm at today. Sorry, this sounds like a lot of Belly Aching, but this is where I'm at. And it is part of the reason, I haven't blogged lately. I'll try to be more positive next time.

Weight Loss Surgery

Well, last Monday was my surgery and so far no regrets. Everything went well and I'm feeling good. I came home Wednesday and had my follow up with my surgeon yesterday. He says that everything is looking good and he is pleased. Yesterday was also a good day because I weighed less than 300 pounds. If you look at my highest weight, I have lost 49 pounds. Last February, when I was first diagnosed with Diabetes, I weighted 346. I lost 10 right away after going on the medication. I lost another 4 pounds and when I started the liquid diet 4 weeks before my surgery, I weighted 329. Today, I am 297. I was 308 the day of my surgery, so that is 11 pounds since then.

Everyone says that it is hard to get all the protein in after surgery and they were right It seems all I do is drink. Tomorrow I go to the dietitian and I hope that I can go on phase 2, which is soft foods. Some people said that after the surgery, they lost the desire to eat food, that they had to make themselves eat. This didn't last long, for some 6 months, for others, a year. But I still want to eat everything I see. This is in my mind. Of course my stomach doesn't feel like eating anything. It always feels full.

I'm home alone now, my friend left yesterday. I have some housework to do and I an avoiding it. I hate to clean my house, but I deserve to live in a nice clean home.

I've been walking a little each day and can't wait until I get the all clear to do intensive exercise. I also can't wait to go get my daughter and bring her home on Friday.

Post Surgery

I'm home and feeling pretty good. I had my surgery on Monday and everything went well. I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday morning even though I didn't leave until noon. That is another story! I'm not in much pain, but I have some soreness where my drain was. I'm having problems getting all my protein in, but my fluid intake is okay. Right now the person who is taking care of me is driving my nuts and I can't wait until I can be on my own so she can leave. I don't think she really wants to, but at the same time, I don't thing she really wants to take care of me either. She does little passive aggressive stuff, like not answering the phone Wednesday morning when I kept calling her to come pick me up. Or bringing me a whole container of applesause when she knows I can only eat a couple spoonfuls. Got to go now. Will write more later.

Surgery

My Surgery is on Monday and I have been so busy with work and at home that I haven't blogged in a while. I'm feeling excited and a little nervous. I'm sure I'll be really nervous on Monday! Wish me luck.

Update

It has been a while since I've blogged. Today is the start of week 4 for my liquid diet. Today also is my last class and hopefully, I will be getting more information regarding what to eat after surgery. I know clear liquids, then any liquids, and soft foods, but I'm told that they will give me more information today at class.

I also just read about a woman who passed away, 2 days after her surgery due to complications. It is so sad. She was so young. It just makes me more nervous. This coming Monday, August 22nd is the day. Prayers are requested if you are comfortable do so.

Sabotage

Well, I’ve had my first experience with a person trying to sabotage my diet/food/eating. Yesterday when I went to pick my daughter up from the sitter, she had a big plastic container with a dozen cupcakes in it. Anybody who has a toddler knows that once you give them something that they like a lot, you can’t take it away from them without a huge temper tantrum. Even though my daughter is not a toddler, she has special needs and emotionally she is a 4 years old. So I had a choice. Let her keep the cupcakes and bring them home,  or tell her no that she can’t have them.  She brought them home.

Her sitter may not have intended to sabotage me. She probably was just not thinking.  I saw another dozen cupcakes on her table and so she was trying to get rid of them. But she knows about my upcoming weight loss surgery and me having to follow the Optifast program. She should know how hard it is, because her mother had surgery herself and had to do a similar program for her surgery. Of course I will tell her that she needs to ask me before giving my daughter something.

All of the cupcakes are still in the container except the one that my daughter ate after dinner last night. How did I get through the night? Well, I kept reminding myself of the reasons why I’m on this liquid diet and why I cannot give in and eat a cupcakes. (seriously, eat all of them!)  Losing weight before surgery helps to reduce a fatty liver. It takes longer for the surgeon to retract a fatty liver, so by following this diet and losing some weight before surgery will actually help me to have a shorter surgery. Also, I will not have to go through the Bowl Prep if I stay on this diet.

 I have 12 more days. I can do it! I also keep telling myself, that in time, I will be able to eat food again and that I might not even be bothered by a cupcake. But boy was I sure aware of them being in the my house last night.

Update

I haven't blogged in a few days. I have been busy at work and at home. But I wanted to share a few things that I have been experiencing regarding the Optifast program. I have been on it now for 2 weeks and I can't believe the energy I have. I only get 960 calories a day and I am not tired at all! I thought that I would be. Last Saturday, I cleaned my kitchen. I had a lot of clutter on the counter tops that I got rid of. I have been doing good all last week keeping the kitchen clean. Of course it helps that I'm not cooking.

This past Saturday, I cleaned out the refrigerator and I cleaned my living room. I mean cleaned it. I pulled out furniture and vacuumed everywhere. I had some boxes sitting in a corner that needed to be taken care of. They are gone now. I rearranged my furniture, so now it looks much more inviting and cozier. On Sunday, I did 6 loads of laundry. Anybody who knows me, knows that I hate doing laundry. Especially because I live in a townhouse. The washer and dryer are in the basement and the bedroom are upstairs. So that is 2 flights of stairs down, and 2 flights of stairs back up. If I ever get to design my dream house, the washer and dryer are going to be close to the bedrooms! I also cleaned my bedroom, pulled out the bed and vacuumed everywhere, including the mattress. I also hung up clothes that I had just sitting there in clothes hampers and laundry baskets. I can't believe how big my bedroom is now.  Last night after work, I did nothing. That's right, nothing and I don't feel guilty at all. Tonight, I'm going to try to make a dent in my dining room. It isn't that bad, but I really need to vacuum and I have my computer desk there which is what catches all the junk. I'm thinking about rearranging that room as well.

Today was class #3 for my pre-op education. Afterwards we see the nurse and a doctor. I lost 5.5 more pounds which makes it a total of 13.3 pounds. I'm happy, they are happy, so it is going good.

I have been working on my goal of stating positive things to myself and my daughter as well. She has been doing very well with picking up after herself and I can feel that I'm starting to feel better about myself as well. Of course I'm excited about the changes to my body that will occur from the surgery, so that might be some of it.