Well, I have been following the Optifast Program now since last Tuesday. I was worried about cravings that I would have for sweets and I was scared of how I would handle my emotions. I know that I am an emotional eater and that I really love sweets. So since last Tuesday, I have been really paying attention to what food cravings I am having, when I have them and the emotions that I feel. Most importantly I wanted to see how I handle them.
The first thing I noticed is that I got irritated much more quickly and I feel it more. I have a co-worker who is quite annoying and on Friday, she was up to her usual stuff. Not only does she give unsolicited advice, but will give it to you over and over again, as if she never said anything to you. I was nice to her and listened, but this time, I explained to her why I did not take her advice .
I’m a little surprised but happy to see that my emotions are not “out of control” or difficult to handle. Actually other than this one time, I’ve been doing okay with my emotions.
As for food cravings, my daughter and I were invited over to friend’s house for their daughter’s 2nd birthday yesterday. We both love this little girl and the family. We have mutual friends who would be there as well. I knew that it was a cook out and that they were grilling hamburgers and hot dogs and that it would be hard for me being there. But I know that I have allowed myself to become this weight, so that I have an excuse to isolate myself and keep people away. I didn’t want to sit at home alone and not go. Plus why should my daughter suffer by not going? I had no other reason not to go, other than I would not be able to eat the food that they prepared for their guests. I also wanted to test myself as well as to see what feelings, cravings and thoughts I would have being in this situation.
I would be lying if I said that it was easy. It was not. Everyone there knew that I was on a special diet because of my upcoming surgery. I tried to sit away from where people were eating, but they came and sat by me. I concentrated on our conversation. The funny thing is I did not have a problem with not eating the cake and ice cream served at the end of the party. I did have a problem with the meats and other proteins. I wanted a hamburger so bad, that I would have given my right arm to be able to eat one! I wouldn’t have cared if it was on a bun or not. I wanted meat!!! But I did not give in. I couldn’t because most everybody knew that I couldn’t eat it and I kept telling myself, that next time I will be able to eat some of the food.
My daughter, who eats whenever, whatever she wants, just ate some rice and a piece of watermelon. I was kind of mad at her. I thought that at least she could have done was eat a hamburger! But she does that kind of eating. I have noticed that she doesn’t eat balanced meals every day, but if you look at her eating for the week, I can see that she is eating from every food group. There will be days that she will just eat rice or some other carb. Then the next day, she will eat nothing but meat. I took her out for her 13th birthday this year to a buffet style restaurant because that is where she wanted to go and all she ate was cooked carrots and a piece of coconut cream pie. She ate 4 helpings of cooked carrots!
I also noticed that I didn’t like not eating when others were eating. The social thing is really strong. I kept telling myself that I will be able to eat again with these people once my surgery is finished and I'm able to eat solid food again. I am glad that I didn’t have much problem not eating cake and ice cream as I thought that I would. Because once I can eat again, it will be the protein that I will have to make sure that I eat and that is what I really wanted.
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